Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
