I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize