eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
