I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
