stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
