Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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