No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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