OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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