there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just had sex bonerless
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
