if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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