allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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