if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
