i just wanna soil my oats bro
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
