She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
