Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize