Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
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don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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