Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
