my mouth tastes like poor choices
My hand turned me down
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
