so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
