apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
