My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
