Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
