There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
