At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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