I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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