At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
