i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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