girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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