Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
