Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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