"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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