Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
