Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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