i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
