She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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