What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
