We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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