margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
