What a fucking waste of an outfit
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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