i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
