I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
