cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
