I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
