Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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