Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
