drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
