We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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