great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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