Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
