I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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