Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
