I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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