Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize