this beer tastes like vomit already
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
