can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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