btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was like eating out sand paper
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
