so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
