I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
